Getting Downgraded by Big Tech

I have been in IT for over 25 years, 18 of which was in IT consulting. I know a lot about tech and systems development and cybersecurity and IT overall. I'm especially good and figuring out what people need and want, and determining the best way to get technology to meet their needs and wants. I used this ability to ensure success on contracts. Because of my successes and praise by clients, coworkers, and leadership, I was leading many high-level projects and programs before I went to the Big Tech company. 

In large part because of these skills, I was hired at this Big Tech company (those and my communication skills). The manager who hired me and my skip-level appreciated these skills and gave me room to use them. I built some pretty great programs and was critical in the development of important internal tools. My manager and I talked about a career path and what I wanted to do. 

But there is a lot of turnover in IT, and especially at my Big Tech company. It is not designed for people to build long-term careers. It does not lend itself to planned career paths, even if they tell you that it is. 

This first manager I had was one of the best managers I've had in my 25+ years working. She was really an amazing manager. But as she realized the career path she had discussed for herself with her leadership was not going to happen, she left. As did many others when they learned the same. 

When it came my time and I realized that no matter what I tried, the career path I planned and what I wanted were not not going to happen, I went to another team to try there. Unfortunately, I learned these problems were company-wide problems. 

This discovery led me to learn something even more frustrating and disheartening over my 5.5 years there. With all the turnover and constant re-organizations and people shifting around and new managers after new managers... the longer I was there and the more managers I had, the more I was treated as a junior employee with no regard to my background, past experiences, or skill set. 

So I went from managing IT of multi-million dollar contracts, with numerous projects and various programs and people reporting to me, to being treated as if I was a junior employee with a small scope who was questioned about every potential decision because my latest manager didn't understand the background of what I was working on. 

And this wasn't just a me problem. I saw it happen to many (I would say most) coworkers. The company hired smart, capable, and accomplished people... but the company culture was to strip people down and make them feel like they were never good enough. As far as I could see, only a few with connections (I guess?) would rise, and all others had to be made to feel lesser. Although, nobody was safe, especially when the layoffs came. And came again.  

I learned a lot working there, especially about working at large scales, and I worked with some amazing people. But I lately have been wondering if it was worth it. 

Stepping Outside Tech But Looking In

 Three months ago, I was working for one of the big tech companies and absolutely miserable. 

I know I made the right decision in leaving. I know that after 5 and a half years there, I was burnt out and need to de-stress. I know that taking a break was the best thing for me. I also know that the job market in my industry is crap right now. 

I've spent the last three months doing projects around the house that have needed doing since we moved in over four years ago. I've read books, watched TV and movies, spent time with my parents, and been able to give more time to my kids (now teenagers) than I'd been able since joining that company. 

These have been great things to do, and I'm glad I'm doing them... You can sense the "but," right?

This is how it happens. This is how the broken rung leads to women leaving the workplace altogether. When staying out of the workforce becomes more desirable than being in it. 

Trying to advance my career has been disheartening the last few years, as I realize most men my age and some younger have higher positions, even when we were at the same levels before kids. As I realize I'm pigeon-holed by leadership into specific roles and activities because I come into tech from a non-technical background. As I realize how exhausted I am from constantly having to think about what I as a woman need to do to be successful in a male-dominated industry... and realize that it is not enough.  

I've worked so hard to get as far as I have, and I keep looking for how to get to the next level, where is the next rung. Even when I think I see how or where, I can't seem to get there. Not for lack of trying, hard work, or ambition. 

When this happens enough, it's hard to stay ambitious. It's hard to want to keep trying. Even when I know I'd be great at the director level. Even when people who have worked for me tell me I should be there and they would work for me again. Even when I try all the things, read all the books and articles. I don't know how to make the Powers That Be know that I would be great. 

It is frustrating, stressful, and disheartening. 

Which makes it hard to even think about trying to find a new job. But if women take 150 more days of career breaks then men and it is a contributor to the broken rung and glass ceiling, then am I actively contributing to the problem? Is this break going to make it even harder for me to get back into the workforce? 

My husband says I need to take a longer break and de-stress more before looking. We realized that with some lifestyle reductions, we can get by on my husband's salary (this is a major reason why I could leave my job and can take this career break). He of course gets paid more than me and has a higher position than me. He is amazing and absolutely great in his position (and they should pay him more)! But I can't help thinking that my salary started out higher than his when we went into the workforce at the same time, and that I've been in IT longer than he has. Where he has gotten, he has earned and he deserves it... but shouldn't I also? 

I can't sit around the house and do nothing. So I started writing. I figure if I write about the working world, it might help me find interest and motivation to re-enter it. Afterall, I'm nearing 50 and am observant--I have a lot of experience and done a lot of thinking about the state of my industry and women in the workplace. I decided I'll get these thoughts down and see where it leads me.  

My life is dear to me. I want to be able to work through the parts that frustrate me and celebrate the joys.